Hopeless...

Have you ever had one of those days when you just feel like there is nothing left to be happy about? Nothing to look forward to?
Yeah, I’m having one of those days. I’ve just had it. For 11 months I’ve been looking for a job. I have one thankfully, but I’ve gone from making a decent salary to living on $216 less a month than I was at the end of 2010, and $500 less than I was making at the end of 2009.
I’ve cut back on every aspect of my life, and am continually trying to cut here and there and still I’m behind on everything. My car payment, my car insurance, my power bill, my cell phone bill, everything. I thought I’d be able to have at least some money after I got paid to at least make it to my next paycheck without any issues, but this morning I had to take Tatiana to the vet. I’m pretty sure she’s got a UTI, at least I hope that’s all she has. So now, what I WAS going to pay has to wait another 2 weeks. Even then, I still may not be able to catch up, because the end of the month is always my worst time because that’s when my rent is due, and that takes a huge chunk of my pay.
I feel like there’s never going to be a point where I can just feel some relief. Everyone is going about their life, doing things, moving on. I’m here, running in place. I feel like a tire in mud, just spinning and spinning and going nowhere. All I have to show for my work is a deeper hole and mud caked rims.
I sit and wonder what I’ve done wrong in my life? I feel like I’m being punished for something. Maybe I haven’t been as good a person as I could have been. If it wasn’t for my pets and my dad, I think I’d just get in my car and disappear.
All I want to do is work, and take care of my pets and be happy. I want to make enough money so that I can pay my bills, and maybe even have a little left over to sock away into a savings account. I’m not asking to win the lottery, I don’t want a free ride, just some peace of mind. Is that too much to ask?

It's Black Cat Appreciation Day!

Celebrate with your black kitties.  And if you don't have a black kitty, why not?  

This is Oksana

Vlad keeping an eye on the remote. 

And a rare moment, with both of them.

Tatiana's Journey

After a lot of thought and many emotional days, I've decided to keep this little girl.  In the end the deciding factor was her heart murmur.  I had found a rescue that would take her, but they like all others required she be spayed.  Tatiana's vet did not feel comfortable spaying her now, if ever.  Putting any animal under anesthesia for a surgery is risky, but for Tatiana because of her heart murmur she may never have woken up. 

She can live with me her entire life, however long it will be, and never have to be spayed.  She's going to be in indoor cat, and if she ever got out of her area, my two boys, Vlad and Maks are neutered.  So no risk of her having babies.

She's currently residing in my bathroom, and hopefully if my financial situation gets better I can rent a place with an extra bedroom I can dedicate to her and maybe even get her a playmate, another cat that is also FeLV+. In the meantime, she has a roof over her head, food, water, a comfy bed and toys.

Little Calico caught, but now I need help.

I caught her about a week ago and had her vetted.  She's FeLV +, which means I cannot keep her since I have my 5.  I need to find this little girl a home.  I've added a widget on the left-hand side here and you can read more about her on Facebook.

FeLV is not a death sentence for a cat.  She can potentially live a very good life.  But she needs to be in a home either just by herself, or another pet, as FeLV only affects cats, or she can also live with another FeLV positive cat.

Anyone that can help, please contact me!

Update on Calico stray

I'm very happy to say that the little calico stray is alive.  The maintenance man where I live mistook her for another poor kitty.  When I got home Monday afternoon I saw her and I've continued to see her. 

I'm incredibly sad about the other kitty, though.  I wish I could give them all a home.

I feel so defeated.

There are days that make me feel like disappearing from the world. Today is one of those days.

I’ve been feeding some of the strays where I live for several months. For maybe about 2 or 3 months there has been this little calico cat coming to the stairwell where I leave the food. She can’t be more than 8 or 9 months old and was the smallest little girl. She was always the first one waiting in the morning and in the afternoon. Friday morning I noticed she wasn’t there, then Saturday and Sunday. I dreaded it, but knew something must have happened. This morning, it was confirmed by the maintenance man where I live he’d found her in the pool. I suspect she got into something. I’ve noticed cars with anti-freeze/coolant under their cars. It’s getting hot here and no doubt cars using their ac and sometimes coolant leaks, and I wonder if maybe she got into some and perhaps tried drinking water after.

It’s hit me very hard this little one’s death. She meowed at me last week, for the first time. I half felt she was angry at me for being late with her food. I kept wondering if maybe I could squeeze one more into the apartment. But I know I can’t. I pray daily that God or whoever is up there watching us, helps me and I can find the means to get myself a little house. One with a yard or better still, a screened porch. I’d take those strays with me and give them a safe place to live.

I wish I could have done more, wish I could do more.

I feel like crawling away and not knowing anything about anyone or anything. I’m tired of hurting. I think sometimes I feel too much, but then I’m afraid of not feeling enough.
Christ, the last thing I needed was to have this little cat die. First, Coconut passed away, then I almost lost Sofie after her spay, and now my little calico stray. Right now, I feel like I could cry for days and still not feel relief. My heart hurts.

All I can do is brush myself off and keep going. That’s all I ever do, brush away the tears and keep going. Where am I going though? Right now it seems nowhere and I wonder if that will ever change.

Animal Health Literacy Lovely Lilies and Curious Cats: A Dangerous Combination

With Easter fast approaching, I thought this would be some good information to post.

Animal Health Literacy Lovely Lilies and Curious Cats: A Dangerous Combination